I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
