Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
