you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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