remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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