My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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