You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
