Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
