Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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