you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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