FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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