My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
