One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
