I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
