Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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