im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
