Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
