literally had 100 drinks last night.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
