Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
