in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
