At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize