I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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