oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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