mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
