when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
