They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
