3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
