you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
