she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
