Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
