just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
