Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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