Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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