My Higher Power is John Stamos
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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