Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize