your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
