why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
