dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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