put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
