Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
