If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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