Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
