she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
