belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
