I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
