We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
