i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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