Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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