also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
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