Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
