yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
