Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
