all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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