Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
worst night to have a conscience
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
