just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I still have a little drunk in my system
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
