need another drink. this is the easiest way
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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