Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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