i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
