And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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