So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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