And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
