I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize