Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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