By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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