just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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