what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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