she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
