i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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