god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
